dear g.j.p.,

everyday, every moment that goes by i think of you. my brain tells me to give up, but my heart says i can’t stop loving you. i spend all day dreaming of the moment you would call to say you feel the same way. as much as i try to pretend, the truth is, i can’t stop loving you. i don’t know how to stop.

i will cherish the moments we have spent together, from our very first kiss to our last. i miss the way you kiss me, the way you look at me and rub my face, i miss you calling me ms. maynard (because you know it gets on my nerves), i miss you missing me, i miss everything about you, i miss our phone conversations and the way we would spend hours talking about our countries and the way we grew up. but most of all i miss my best friend.

i will place the moments we’ve shared together in a time capsule and hide it in the most secret place of my heart. and maybe 20 years from now, if or when we meet again, maybe then we can both open the capsule together and be reminded of our wonderful friendship.

gosh, my life stinks。 i mean i finally meet the right guy and he’s not available. i’m in love with you but i can’t be with you.

but, i’ve got to tell you, for the first time in months i can finally smile because although you didn’t say much the last time you called i knew you still cared.

you can keep on denying it, you can keep hiding from it, but trust me you are only lying to yourself. everyday i ask myself why ... why do i feel this way? why can’t i stop loving you? then it dawned on me ... you put voodoo on me。 just kidding.

before i go i want you to know that you will always have a special place in my heart, and like i’ve said many times before, i do not regret anything we’ve done. the only thing i regret is you telling me you love me because since then you have given me nothing but the cold shoulders.

please don’t be scared, i want nothing but your friendship, well ... i do want more but i am willing to settle. i am not trying to make you feel bad or push you further away. i am just trying to make you understand what’s in my heart.

i love you with all my heart ... and i will always love you, g.j.p.

love always,

melissa